- Watch Standing Room Only ticket prices on the gameday immediately preceding the day of the game you'd actually like to attend. They will most likely drop continually as gametime approaches.
- Convince yourself that this same trend will occur tomorrow.
- Book babysitter for tomorrow's game as a "just in case we score tickets" safety net (thinking that "duh, you totally will...")
- Watch tickets obsessively on gameday. They will most likely stay higher than they did the previous day, but will still trend downwards.
- ...Until lunch. Freak out when you check prices AFTER lunch and they have SKYROCKETED.
- Watch in horror as they continue to climb...and climb... and climb.
- Tell babysitter to come even though you don't have tickets. You'll "figure it out". You'll just have a date night if there are no tickets in your future (all the while both knowing that you have NO intentions of letting the night slip away without getting your hands on some friggin tickets!)
- Head out to a dinner date with your hubby. You'll just text some people from Craigslist who listed their tix for $600 each until you find someone desperate enough to hook you up with an 80% discount
- Act like driving through Chick-fil-A was TOTALLY what you had in mind when you agreed to a "dinner date". And DOWN that cookies'n'cream milkshake with pure bliss :)
- Visit the nearest ATM to draw out your maximum "willing to pay" price per ticket in cash. You're headed to the stadium to find some people roaming about who just happen to have a few extra tix. Perfectly legal of course.
- Park insanely far away, one space away from some abandoned train cars chillin on the railroad track. Say a quick prayer (or 12) that your car (and all of your possessions) are still there when you return, which could be after the game...OR 30 minutes.
- As some dude asks you if you need tickets, and you respond yes, follow him into the nearest strip mall, because like he said, "We can't do anything on the street because of the city ordinance. Follow me." Totally understandable.
- Giggle to yourselves as the 2 dudes in front of you shell out $350... EACH!... for tickets in the farthest possible seats the stadium has to offer. You know these seats are the farthest possble seats because the seller busted out a laser-pointer to show them their seat location on the giant poster adorning the wall behind you. Nice little make-shift "ticket office" they've got here.
- Try to breathe in teeny tiny short breaths, taking in the least amount of oxygen possible. You don't want to get high off the unbelievable amounts of marijuana infiltrating the air in this shady place.
- Peace out when the dude behind the desk informs you that even though game starts in 7 minutes, SRO tix are still $350.
- Stroll around the stadium looking for shady characters.
- Pretend it's totally normal that the men you pass whisper in your ear, "tickets..." "hey... you shoppin'?" or "i got some. follow me..." but don't slow down. You'll figure out that you're just supposed to follow them until they stop to lean against a tree or tie their shoe.
- As you discover that what you once though was a competition is really a massive network of ticket scalpers, you name your price and take the first tickets that are flashed in your face. Besides, all you want is to get into the game. You've got the greatest standing room only secret at Texas Rangers Stadium (and your friends are saving your seat in hopes you really did "figure it out")
- After making the exchange, be sure to take off on a mad sprint toward the entrance gate. Otherwise, as you mosey back toward the stadium, the guy might notice that you shortchanged him $100 (accidentally...promise!). He might whisper, "hey. sir. excuse me, sir..." ever so gently. And then being the sweet little lady that you are, you might turn around and yell at your husband who is well on his way to the gate that he needs to come give this shady character "his" money. I mean... honesty is the name of the game, right? Even when dealing with shady illegal ticket scalpers....
- Breathe a sigh of relief as the little ticket scanner blinks green and the ticket lady tells you to, "have fun, go rangers!"
The tickets were legit. You are OFFICIALLY at The World Series!
THE WORLD SERIES!!