So this morning I had 3 clients in a row cancel on me. It was actually kind of nice because I got to sleep a couple of extra hours, get Avery out of bed, feed her and I EVEN got some early morning snuggle time with my sweet girl :) Great start to my Friday! I headed to the gym for a meeting then had ANOTHER client cancel, so I headed out to the new South Tyler Trail, accessible from the gym parking lot, and went on an awesomeandrefreshing heat-of-the-day run through the gorgeous pine trees of East Texas! I stretched, replenished my system with my classic APEX protein shake, stopped by the bank, filled up with gas, picked up some blocks of st.augustine for the front yard, and headed toward home! I was feeling particularly upbeat because the sun was blazing (which I LOVE), I had gotten a bunch of errands checked off my list, and I had already squeezed in a quick workout for the day!
Fast Forward 3 minutes. As I was enjoying my pleasant drive home with the windows down..the summer air blowing on my face...I all of a sudden became overwhelmed.
As I turned off my music and started talking to God, my heart just got SO heavy. I know that we live in a fallen world. A world where Satan is ACTIVE. Where he looks for every opportunity to sabotage, every little bit of vulnerability to take advantage of. I have witnessed his work from a closer view more often than I care to lately. It has made me angry. It has made me sad. It has made me rejoice that God is more powerful than him. But it has left me frustrated and hurt.
It's hard to see ANYONE, much less-someone you love, become the victim of evil. TRUE evil. The selfish part of me wants justice to be served. And I KNOW that it will be.... just probably not here. God is the only judge. He is the only one who even knows what justice looks like. And I trust in that, and in Him. Ultimately- I just desire for Him to prevail in the hearts of EVERYONE. I know that He is working diligently in the hearts of the broken. He reaches out to them, offering comfort, peace, love. But sometimes the broken can't find Him. And THAT is what shattered my heart into pieces a few minutes ago.
I absolutely cannot imagine feeling complete and utter hopelessness. Feeling so overwhelmed that there is NO way out of the darkness. Feeling SO broken, that God can't even put me back together. I can't imagine it. God can always offer healing and comfort. My prayer is just that those who are broken and lost will FIND Him. That He can surround the weak with people who will offer His love, His encouragement, His comfort....mediums through which He can work in their lives and in their hearts. I pray that they will experience that tiny glimmer of hope that will keep them going. And that they will find the salvation that He has to offer, even in the darkest of times, the most hopeless of situations.
This world sucks. My life is amazing, and I am SO blessed, and my days are filled with joy in SO many ways! But today, my heart was burdened for the broken. I hate Satan, and I can't wait until Jesus comes back to conquer him once and for all!