Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Love, Joy, Peace, PATIENCE...

Not having a job has been pretty frustrating at times. I CHOSE to quit my previous job, so that I could take the time and consideration needed to find the right place of employment. However, it has taken MUCH longer than expected! (I know, I know...God is in control, not me.) I always say I'm one of those people who is MUCH more productive when I'm super busy. When I have too much free time on my hands, it's like...I don't know what to do...so I do nothing but think about what to do! sad/pathetic.... Being busy and having a jam-packed day is my comfort zone. In my world, there's no such thing as a to-do list with less than 15 bullets.

I never really thought this was a bad thing, but it has really been an issue this last month. Some days I have to work REALLY hard to convince myself to find SOMETHING productive to do instead of just sitting around and WISHING I had something useful to do...like...a job perhaps?? Anyway, last night in the shower I was thinking about how I can't wait to find a church home so that I can be fed and lifted up and equipped to go into the world! And that made me think about how I can't wait to find a JOB...so that I can once again be around people everyday. I've always felt that God has gifted me in ways that are most useful when I'm around a lot of people. Right now, I have no medium for reaching people. No circle of influence in this place. It's a frustrating feeling because I feel like I am not able to serve God in the ways that I want to ...and in the ways that I have known.

That got me to thinking about how I have felt a little bit like I'm flailing in my spiritual life. I'm not in the midst of some blatant spiritual warfare that is weighing on my heart every second...I just feel a little stagnant. In thinking so much about DOING, I have neglected myself. It's funny to think that neglecting myself is actually a very SELFISH thing. God has given me this time of few commitments, and I have not made it useful to Him. What I have seen as an unfortunate situation is really a BLESSING from God. Not once in this last month have I just busted out my bible, sat in silence and said, "okay God, show me somethin..." I have been too caught up in being "bored." How pathetic am I? I don't know WHY it took me this long to realize that I am being blessed with the gift of time. AN AMAZING gift whose face I have RARELY seen in my life. When I don't have it, I LONG for it...now that I have it, I have been completely blind to see it. Stupid Satan... always making me feel dumb for falling for your little tricks.

Thank You Lord for not giving up on me!

Anyway, a shout out to my Awesome Father who, once again, has humbled me, blessed me and been miiighty patient with me!

3 comments:

Tbaby said...

:)

BrittneyNicole said...

girl, that's strong....

Magen said...

Totally understand. It's like we need things to "do" all the time or we feel worthless, when really, all we need is our Father who gives us all the worth in the world! It's times like that that remind me that His faithfulness is enough - it's all that matters. My deeds are worthless. I know he will use you around bunches of people really soon because that is your calling, but until then, stay equiped! I love you woman! Thanks for sharing :) See, you are totally still touching people.